Even though I got my car back today and actually went out and got some sun, this is probably the most depressed I’ve felt since school ended UGHHHHH
My father gave me a huge lecture earlier that kind of felt like it came from nowhere, but in summary, it consisted of how my cousin just graduated from pharmacy school and is about to move to Dallas. And how I need to hurry up with school so I can catch up with everyone else in my family. (I don’t think that was the point of his lecture, but I took great offense to this anyway…)
Then it led to something along the lines of, “I noticed that you don’t have any friends.”
Which I tried to argue against, but then I realized that the friends I do have now are… Well. I don’t want to be a selfish bitch and be completely like, “weh my friends treat me like crap” because I, no doubt, have some very good memories with them and am thankful with what they’ve done for me.
But lately, I feel that I’m being deliberately left out of everything. Checking Tumblr and Facebook, of course, does not help these thoughts at all, OTL||| I’m always like, Hey! Let’s hang out! And I usually get an answer like, “I’m busy doing ___, but when I’m free, yeah, let’s hang out!” And then I see photos plastered all over the internet when they’re hanging out with other people (who I’m also friends with), and I’m like… Surely, there was a reason why I wasn’t invited. Am I a terrible person to be with?
How does one even make new friends at my age… I’d make friends at school, but. I’m so self-conscious about my age… I’m older than everyone else. (Whenever I express this to others, I’m told that I’m not THAT old, but my parents seem to think differently when they’re pressuring me to finish school quickly now.) I’m afraid of people asking me my age, and then they’ll be like, “What were you doing when you graduated high school?” Which really isn’t a big deal, but… I’m so sensitive about it -__-
Anyway, that aside, when my mother came home, I tried to tell her about my father’s lecture, which just led to her telling me that they’re both depressed because they’ve had to cut their social lives because of me (because their friends will ask how I’m doing, and they don’t want to tell their friends that I’m still in school at my age) and that they see no future for me.
I don’t know what to do.
